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author paulo
date Mon, 03 Aug 2020 01:45:23 -0600
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paulo@107 1 Dance, Monkeys, Dance -- By Ernest Cline
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paulo@107 5 % ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
paulo@107 6
paulo@107 7 ```
paulo@107 8 Orbiting the sun at about 98 million miles
paulo@107 9 is a little blue planet
paulo@107 10 and this planet is run
paulo@107 11 by a bunch of monkeys.
paulo@107 12
paulo@107 13 Now, the monkeys don't think of
paulo@107 14 themselves as monkeys.
paulo@107 15 They don't even think of themselves as animals
paulo@107 16 And they love to list all the things
paulo@107 17 that they think
paulo@107 18 separate them from the animals:
paulo@107 19 Opposable thumbs, self awareness . . .
paulo@107 20 They'll use words like
paulo@107 21 Homo Erectus and Australopithecus.
paulo@107 22
paulo@107 23 You say Toe-mate-o,
paulo@107 24 I say Toe-motto.
paulo@107 25 They're animals all right.
paulo@107 26 They're monkeys.
paulo@107 27 Monkeys with high-speed digital fiber optic technology,
paulo@107 28 but monkeys nevertheless.
paulo@107 29
paulo@107 30 I mean, they're clever.
paulo@107 31 You've got to give them that.
paulo@107 32 The Pyramids, skyscrapers, phantom jets,
paulo@107 33 the Great Wall of China.
paulo@107 34 That's some pretty impressive shit . . .
paulo@107 35 for a bunch of monkeys.
paulo@107 36
paulo@107 37 Monkeys whose brains have evolved
paulo@107 38 to such an unmanageable size
paulo@107 39 that it's now pretty much impossible
paulo@107 40 for them stay happy for any length of time
paulo@107 41
paulo@107 42 In fact, they're the only animals
paulo@107 43 that think they're supposed to be happy.
paulo@107 44 All of the other animals can just be.
paulo@107 45
paulo@107 46 But it's not that simple for the monkeys.
paulo@107 47
paulo@107 48 You see, the monkeys are cursed with consciousness
paulo@107 49 and so the monkeys are afraid.
paulo@107 50 So the monkeys worry.
paulo@107 51 The monkeys worry about everything,
paulo@107 52 but mostly about what all the other monkeys think.
paulo@107 53 Because the monkeys desperately want to fit in
paulo@107 54 with the other monkeys.
paulo@107 55
paulo@107 56 Which is hard to do,
paulo@107 57 because a lot of the monkeys seem to hate each other.
paulo@107 58 This is what really separates them from the other animals.
paulo@107 59 These monkeys hate.
paulo@107 60 They hate monkeys that are different.
paulo@107 61 Monkeys from different places,
paulo@107 62 monkeys who are a different color-
paulo@107 63
paulo@107 64 You see, the monkeys feel alone.
paulo@107 65 All six billion of them.
paulo@107 66
paulo@107 67 Some of the monkeys pay another monkey
paulo@107 68 to listen to their problems.
paulo@107 69
paulo@107 70 Because the monkeys want answers
paulo@107 71 and the monkeys don't want to die.
paulo@107 72 So the monkeys make up gods
paulo@107 73 and then they worship them.
paulo@107 74 Then the monkeys argue
paulo@107 75 over whose made-up god is better.
paulo@107 76 Then the monkeys get really pissed off
paulo@107 77 and this is usually when the monkeys decide
paulo@107 78 that it's a good time to start killing each other.
paulo@107 79
paulo@107 80 So the monkeys wage war.
paulo@107 81 The monkeys make hydrogen bombs.
paulo@107 82 The monkeys have got their whole fucking planet
paulo@107 83 wired up to explode.
paulo@107 84 The monkeys just can't help it.
paulo@107 85
paulo@107 86 Some of the monkeys play to a sold out crowd . . .
paulo@107 87 of other monkeys.
paulo@107 88
paulo@107 89 The monkeys make trophies
paulo@107 90 and then they give them to each other.
paulo@107 91 Like it means something.
paulo@107 92
paulo@107 93 Some of the monkeys think
paulo@107 94 that they have it all worked out.
paulo@107 95 Some of the monkeys read Nietzsche
paulo@107 96 The monkeys argue about Nietzsche
paulo@107 97 without giving any consideration to the fact
paulo@107 98 that Nietzsche
paulo@107 99 was just another fucking monkey.
paulo@107 100
paulo@107 101 The monkeys make plans.
paulo@107 102 The monkeys fall in love.
paulo@107 103 The monkeys fuck
paulo@107 104 and then they make more monkeys.
paulo@107 105
paulo@107 106 The monkeys make music
paulo@107 107 and then the monkeys DANCE
paulo@107 108 Dance, monkeys, dance.
paulo@107 109
paulo@107 110 The monkeys make a hell of a lot of noise.
paulo@107 111 Exhibit A
paulo@107 112 Monkey making noise.
paulo@107 113 And when he's done,
paulo@107 114 five other randomly selected monkeys
paulo@107 115 will rate this monkey's noises
paulo@107 116 on a scale from one to ten.
paulo@107 117 And at the end of the night,
paulo@107 118 they add all the numbers up
paulo@107 119 to see which monkey made the best noises.
paulo@107 120
paulo@107 121 As you can see . . .
paulo@107 122 these are some fucked up monkeys.
paulo@107 123
paulo@107 124 These monkeys are at once the ugliest
paulo@107 125 and most beautiful creatures on the planet.
paulo@107 126
paulo@107 127 And the monkeys don't want to be monkeys.
paulo@107 128 They want to be something else.
paulo@107 129 But they're not.
paulo@107 130 ```
paulo@107 131
paulo@107 132 [Back to "Dance, Monkeys, Dance" dance_monkeys.html]