paulo@107: Orbiting the sun at about 98 million miles paulo@107: is a little blue planet paulo@107: and this planet is run paulo@107: by a bunch of monkeys. paulo@107: paulo@107: Now, the monkeys don't think of paulo@107: themselves as monkeys. paulo@107: They don't even think of themselves as animals paulo@107: And they love to list all the things paulo@107: that they think paulo@107: separate them from the animals: paulo@107: Opposable thumbs, self awareness . . . paulo@107: They'll use words like paulo@107: Homo Erectus and Australopithecus. paulo@107: paulo@107: You say Toe-mate-o, paulo@107: I say Toe-motto. paulo@107: They're animals all right. paulo@107: They're monkeys. paulo@107: Monkeys with high-speed digital fiber optic technology, paulo@107: but monkeys nevertheless. paulo@107: paulo@107: I mean, they're clever. paulo@107: You've got to give them that. paulo@107: The Pyramids, skyscrapers, phantom jets, paulo@107: the Great Wall of China. paulo@107: That's some pretty impressive shit . . . paulo@107: for a bunch of monkeys. paulo@107: paulo@107: Monkeys whose brains have evolved paulo@107: to such an unmanageable size paulo@107: that it's now pretty much impossible paulo@107: for them stay happy for any length of time paulo@107: paulo@107: In fact, they're the only animals paulo@107: that think they're supposed to be happy. paulo@107: All of the other animals can just be. paulo@107: paulo@107: But it's not that simple for the monkeys. paulo@107: paulo@107: You see, the monkeys are cursed with consciousness paulo@107: and so the monkeys are afraid. paulo@107: So the monkeys worry. paulo@107: The monkeys worry about everything, paulo@107: but mostly about what all the other monkeys think. paulo@107: Because the monkeys desperately want to fit in paulo@107: with the other monkeys. paulo@107: paulo@107: Which is hard to do, paulo@107: because a lot of the monkeys seem to hate each other. paulo@107: This is what really separates them from the other animals. paulo@107: These monkeys hate. paulo@107: They hate monkeys that are different. paulo@107: Monkeys from different places, paulo@107: monkeys who are a different color- paulo@107: paulo@107: You see, the monkeys feel alone. paulo@107: All six billion of them. paulo@107: paulo@107: Some of the monkeys pay another monkey paulo@107: to listen to their problems. paulo@107: paulo@107: Because the monkeys want answers paulo@107: and the monkeys don't want to die. paulo@107: So the monkeys make up gods paulo@107: and then they worship them. paulo@107: Then the monkeys argue paulo@107: over whose made-up god is better. paulo@107: Then the monkeys get really pissed off paulo@107: and this is usually when the monkeys decide paulo@107: that it's a good time to start killing each other. paulo@107: paulo@107: So the monkeys wage war. paulo@107: The monkeys make hydrogen bombs. paulo@107: The monkeys have got their whole fucking planet paulo@107: wired up to explode. paulo@107: The monkeys just can't help it. paulo@107: paulo@107: Some of the monkeys play to a sold out crowd . . . paulo@107: of other monkeys. paulo@107: paulo@107: The monkeys make trophies paulo@107: and then they give them to each other. paulo@107: Like it means something. paulo@107: paulo@107: Some of the monkeys think paulo@107: that they have it all worked out. paulo@107: Some of the monkeys read Nietzsche paulo@107: The monkeys argue about Nietzsche paulo@107: without giving any consideration to the fact paulo@107: that Nietzsche paulo@107: was just another fucking monkey. paulo@107: paulo@107: The monkeys make plans. paulo@107: The monkeys fall in love. paulo@107: The monkeys fuck paulo@107: and then they make more monkeys. paulo@107: paulo@107: The monkeys make music paulo@107: and then the monkeys DANCE paulo@107: Dance, monkeys, dance. paulo@107: paulo@107: The monkeys make a hell of a lot of noise. paulo@107: Exhibit A paulo@107: Monkey making noise. paulo@107: And when he's done, paulo@107: five other randomly selected monkeys paulo@107: will rate this monkey's noises paulo@107: on a scale from one to ten. paulo@107: And at the end of the night, paulo@107: they add all the numbers up paulo@107: to see which monkey made the best noises. paulo@107: paulo@107: As you can see . . . paulo@107: these are some fucked up monkeys. paulo@107: paulo@107: These monkeys are at once the ugliest paulo@107: and most beautiful creatures on the planet. paulo@107: paulo@107: And the monkeys don't want to be monkeys. paulo@107: They want to be something else. paulo@107: But they're not. paulo@107:paulo@107: paulo@107:
paulo@107: Back to "Dance, Monkeys, Dance" paulo@107:
paulo@107: