paulo@107: Dance, Monkeys, Dance -- By Ernest Cline
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paulo@107: ```
paulo@107: Orbiting the sun at about 98 million miles
paulo@107: is a little blue planet
paulo@107: and this planet is run
paulo@107: by a bunch of monkeys.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: Now, the monkeys don't think of
paulo@107: themselves as monkeys.
paulo@107: They don't even think of themselves as animals
paulo@107: And they love to list all the things
paulo@107: that they think
paulo@107: separate them from the animals:
paulo@107: Opposable thumbs, self awareness . . .
paulo@107: They'll use words like
paulo@107: Homo Erectus and Australopithecus.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: You say Toe-mate-o,
paulo@107: I say Toe-motto.
paulo@107: They're animals all right.
paulo@107: They're monkeys.
paulo@107: Monkeys with high-speed digital fiber optic technology,
paulo@107: but monkeys nevertheless.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: I mean, they're clever.
paulo@107: You've got to give them that.
paulo@107: The Pyramids, skyscrapers, phantom jets,
paulo@107: the Great Wall of China.
paulo@107: That's some pretty impressive shit . . .
paulo@107: for a bunch of monkeys.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: Monkeys whose brains have evolved
paulo@107: to such an unmanageable size
paulo@107: that it's now pretty much impossible
paulo@107: for them stay happy for any length of time
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: In fact, they're the only animals
paulo@107: that think they're supposed to be happy.
paulo@107: All of the other animals can just be.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: But it's not that simple for the monkeys.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: You see, the monkeys are cursed with consciousness
paulo@107: and so the monkeys are afraid.
paulo@107: So the monkeys worry.
paulo@107: The monkeys worry about everything,
paulo@107: but mostly about what all the other monkeys think.
paulo@107: Because the monkeys desperately want to fit in
paulo@107: with the other monkeys.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: Which is hard to do,
paulo@107: because a lot of the monkeys seem to hate each other.
paulo@107: This is what really separates them from the other animals.
paulo@107: These monkeys hate.
paulo@107: They hate monkeys that are different.
paulo@107: Monkeys from different places,
paulo@107: monkeys who are a different color-
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: You see, the monkeys feel alone.
paulo@107: All six billion of them.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: Some of the monkeys pay another monkey
paulo@107: to listen to their problems.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: Because the monkeys want answers
paulo@107: and the monkeys don't want to die.
paulo@107: So the monkeys make up gods
paulo@107: and then they worship them.
paulo@107: Then the monkeys argue
paulo@107: over whose made-up god is better.
paulo@107: Then the monkeys get really pissed off
paulo@107: and this is usually when the monkeys decide
paulo@107: that it's a good time to start killing each other.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: So the monkeys wage war.
paulo@107: The monkeys make hydrogen bombs.
paulo@107: The monkeys have got their whole fucking planet
paulo@107: wired up to explode.
paulo@107: The monkeys just can't help it.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: Some of the monkeys play to a sold out crowd . . .
paulo@107: of other monkeys.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: The monkeys make trophies
paulo@107: and then they give them to each other.
paulo@107: Like it means something.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: Some of the monkeys think
paulo@107: that they have it all worked out.
paulo@107: Some of the monkeys read Nietzsche
paulo@107: The monkeys argue about Nietzsche
paulo@107: without giving any consideration to the fact
paulo@107: that Nietzsche
paulo@107: was just another fucking monkey.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: The monkeys make plans.
paulo@107: The monkeys fall in love.
paulo@107: The monkeys fuck
paulo@107: and then they make more monkeys.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: The monkeys make music
paulo@107: and then the monkeys DANCE
paulo@107: Dance, monkeys, dance.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: The monkeys make a hell of a lot of noise.
paulo@107: Exhibit A
paulo@107: Monkey making noise.
paulo@107: And when he's done,
paulo@107: five other randomly selected monkeys
paulo@107: will rate this monkey's noises
paulo@107: on a scale from one to ten.
paulo@107: And at the end of the night,
paulo@107: they add all the numbers up
paulo@107: to see which monkey made the best noises.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: As you can see . . .
paulo@107: these are some fucked up monkeys.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: These monkeys are at once the ugliest
paulo@107: and most beautiful creatures on the planet.
paulo@107: 
paulo@107: And the monkeys don't want to be monkeys.
paulo@107: They want to be something else.
paulo@107: But they're not. 
paulo@107: ```
paulo@107: 
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