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1 Dance, Monkeys, Dance -- By Ernest Cline
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2
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3
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4
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5 % ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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6
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7 ```
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8 Orbiting the sun at about 98 million miles
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9 is a little blue planet
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10 and this planet is run
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11 by a bunch of monkeys.
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12
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13 Now, the monkeys don't think of
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14 themselves as monkeys.
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15 They don't even think of themselves as animals
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16 And they love to list all the things
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17 that they think
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18 separate them from the animals:
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19 Opposable thumbs, self awareness . . .
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20 They'll use words like
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21 Homo Erectus and Australopithecus.
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22
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23 You say Toe-mate-o,
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24 I say Toe-motto.
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25 They're animals all right.
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26 They're monkeys.
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27 Monkeys with high-speed digital fiber optic technology,
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28 but monkeys nevertheless.
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29
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30 I mean, they're clever.
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31 You've got to give them that.
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32 The Pyramids, skyscrapers, phantom jets,
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33 the Great Wall of China.
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34 That's some pretty impressive shit . . .
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35 for a bunch of monkeys.
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36
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37 Monkeys whose brains have evolved
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38 to such an unmanageable size
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39 that it's now pretty much impossible
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40 for them stay happy for any length of time
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41
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42 In fact, they're the only animals
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43 that think they're supposed to be happy.
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44 All of the other animals can just be.
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45
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46 But it's not that simple for the monkeys.
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47
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48 You see, the monkeys are cursed with consciousness
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49 and so the monkeys are afraid.
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50 So the monkeys worry.
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51 The monkeys worry about everything,
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52 but mostly about what all the other monkeys think.
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53 Because the monkeys desperately want to fit in
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54 with the other monkeys.
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55
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56 Which is hard to do,
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57 because a lot of the monkeys seem to hate each other.
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58 This is what really separates them from the other animals.
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59 These monkeys hate.
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60 They hate monkeys that are different.
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61 Monkeys from different places,
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62 monkeys who are a different color-
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63
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64 You see, the monkeys feel alone.
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65 All six billion of them.
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66
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67 Some of the monkeys pay another monkey
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68 to listen to their problems.
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69
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70 Because the monkeys want answers
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71 and the monkeys don't want to die.
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72 So the monkeys make up gods
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73 and then they worship them.
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74 Then the monkeys argue
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75 over whose made-up god is better.
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76 Then the monkeys get really pissed off
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77 and this is usually when the monkeys decide
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78 that it's a good time to start killing each other.
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79
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80 So the monkeys wage war.
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81 The monkeys make hydrogen bombs.
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82 The monkeys have got their whole fucking planet
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83 wired up to explode.
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84 The monkeys just can't help it.
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85
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86 Some of the monkeys play to a sold out crowd . . .
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87 of other monkeys.
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88
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89 The monkeys make trophies
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90 and then they give them to each other.
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91 Like it means something.
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92
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93 Some of the monkeys think
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94 that they have it all worked out.
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95 Some of the monkeys read Nietzsche
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96 The monkeys argue about Nietzsche
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97 without giving any consideration to the fact
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98 that Nietzsche
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99 was just another fucking monkey.
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100
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101 The monkeys make plans.
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102 The monkeys fall in love.
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103 The monkeys fuck
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104 and then they make more monkeys.
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105
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106 The monkeys make music
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107 and then the monkeys DANCE
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108 Dance, monkeys, dance.
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109
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110 The monkeys make a hell of a lot of noise.
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111 Exhibit A
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112 Monkey making noise.
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113 And when he's done,
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114 five other randomly selected monkeys
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115 will rate this monkey's noises
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116 on a scale from one to ten.
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117 And at the end of the night,
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118 they add all the numbers up
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119 to see which monkey made the best noises.
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120
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121 As you can see . . .
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122 these are some fucked up monkeys.
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123
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124 These monkeys are at once the ugliest
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125 and most beautiful creatures on the planet.
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126
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127 And the monkeys don't want to be monkeys.
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128 They want to be something else.
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129 But they're not.
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130 ```
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131
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132 [Back to "Dance, Monkeys, Dance" dance_monkeys.html]
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