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paulo@107 6 <TITLE>Dance, Monkeys, Dance -- By Ernest Cline</TITLE>
paulo@107 7 </HEAD>
paulo@107 8 <BODY>
paulo@107 9
paulo@107 10 <DIV CLASS="header" ID="header">
paulo@107 11 <H1>Dance, Monkeys, Dance -- By Ernest Cline</H1>
paulo@107 12 </DIV>
paulo@107 13
paulo@107 14 <DIV CLASS="body" ID="body">
paulo@107 15 <PRE>
paulo@107 16 Orbiting the sun at about 98 million miles
paulo@107 17 is a little blue planet
paulo@107 18 and this planet is run
paulo@107 19 by a bunch of monkeys.
paulo@107 20
paulo@107 21 Now, the monkeys don't think of
paulo@107 22 themselves as monkeys.
paulo@107 23 They don't even think of themselves as animals
paulo@107 24 And they love to list all the things
paulo@107 25 that they think
paulo@107 26 separate them from the animals:
paulo@107 27 Opposable thumbs, self awareness . . .
paulo@107 28 They'll use words like
paulo@107 29 Homo Erectus and Australopithecus.
paulo@107 30
paulo@107 31 You say Toe-mate-o,
paulo@107 32 I say Toe-motto.
paulo@107 33 They're animals all right.
paulo@107 34 They're monkeys.
paulo@107 35 Monkeys with high-speed digital fiber optic technology,
paulo@107 36 but monkeys nevertheless.
paulo@107 37
paulo@107 38 I mean, they're clever.
paulo@107 39 You've got to give them that.
paulo@107 40 The Pyramids, skyscrapers, phantom jets,
paulo@107 41 the Great Wall of China.
paulo@107 42 That's some pretty impressive shit . . .
paulo@107 43 for a bunch of monkeys.
paulo@107 44
paulo@107 45 Monkeys whose brains have evolved
paulo@107 46 to such an unmanageable size
paulo@107 47 that it's now pretty much impossible
paulo@107 48 for them stay happy for any length of time
paulo@107 49
paulo@107 50 In fact, they're the only animals
paulo@107 51 that think they're supposed to be happy.
paulo@107 52 All of the other animals can just be.
paulo@107 53
paulo@107 54 But it's not that simple for the monkeys.
paulo@107 55
paulo@107 56 You see, the monkeys are cursed with consciousness
paulo@107 57 and so the monkeys are afraid.
paulo@107 58 So the monkeys worry.
paulo@107 59 The monkeys worry about everything,
paulo@107 60 but mostly about what all the other monkeys think.
paulo@107 61 Because the monkeys desperately want to fit in
paulo@107 62 with the other monkeys.
paulo@107 63
paulo@107 64 Which is hard to do,
paulo@107 65 because a lot of the monkeys seem to hate each other.
paulo@107 66 This is what really separates them from the other animals.
paulo@107 67 These monkeys hate.
paulo@107 68 They hate monkeys that are different.
paulo@107 69 Monkeys from different places,
paulo@107 70 monkeys who are a different color-
paulo@107 71
paulo@107 72 You see, the monkeys feel alone.
paulo@107 73 All six billion of them.
paulo@107 74
paulo@107 75 Some of the monkeys pay another monkey
paulo@107 76 to listen to their problems.
paulo@107 77
paulo@107 78 Because the monkeys want answers
paulo@107 79 and the monkeys don't want to die.
paulo@107 80 So the monkeys make up gods
paulo@107 81 and then they worship them.
paulo@107 82 Then the monkeys argue
paulo@107 83 over whose made-up god is better.
paulo@107 84 Then the monkeys get really pissed off
paulo@107 85 and this is usually when the monkeys decide
paulo@107 86 that it's a good time to start killing each other.
paulo@107 87
paulo@107 88 So the monkeys wage war.
paulo@107 89 The monkeys make hydrogen bombs.
paulo@107 90 The monkeys have got their whole fucking planet
paulo@107 91 wired up to explode.
paulo@107 92 The monkeys just can't help it.
paulo@107 93
paulo@107 94 Some of the monkeys play to a sold out crowd . . .
paulo@107 95 of other monkeys.
paulo@107 96
paulo@107 97 The monkeys make trophies
paulo@107 98 and then they give them to each other.
paulo@107 99 Like it means something.
paulo@107 100
paulo@107 101 Some of the monkeys think
paulo@107 102 that they have it all worked out.
paulo@107 103 Some of the monkeys read Nietzsche
paulo@107 104 The monkeys argue about Nietzsche
paulo@107 105 without giving any consideration to the fact
paulo@107 106 that Nietzsche
paulo@107 107 was just another fucking monkey.
paulo@107 108
paulo@107 109 The monkeys make plans.
paulo@107 110 The monkeys fall in love.
paulo@107 111 The monkeys fuck
paulo@107 112 and then they make more monkeys.
paulo@107 113
paulo@107 114 The monkeys make music
paulo@107 115 and then the monkeys DANCE
paulo@107 116 Dance, monkeys, dance.
paulo@107 117
paulo@107 118 The monkeys make a hell of a lot of noise.
paulo@107 119 Exhibit A
paulo@107 120 Monkey making noise.
paulo@107 121 And when he's done,
paulo@107 122 five other randomly selected monkeys
paulo@107 123 will rate this monkey's noises
paulo@107 124 on a scale from one to ten.
paulo@107 125 And at the end of the night,
paulo@107 126 they add all the numbers up
paulo@107 127 to see which monkey made the best noises.
paulo@107 128
paulo@107 129 As you can see . . .
paulo@107 130 these are some fucked up monkeys.
paulo@107 131
paulo@107 132 These monkeys are at once the ugliest
paulo@107 133 and most beautiful creatures on the planet.
paulo@107 134
paulo@107 135 And the monkeys don't want to be monkeys.
paulo@107 136 They want to be something else.
paulo@107 137 But they're not.
paulo@107 138 </PRE>
paulo@107 139 <P></P>
paulo@107 140 <P>
paulo@107 141 <A HREF="dance_monkeys.html">Back to "Dance, Monkeys, Dance"</A>
paulo@107 142 </P>
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